Loving the Tax Bill

I’m pretty stoked the tax bill was passed. Now I can be sure that the government won’t be able to fund all the entitlement programs that are blowing up the deficit.

For Instance:

I can’t use TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families) so I’m glad to know it’ll be cut from the budget. I can’t use SNAP (formerly called food stamps), I can’t use WIC (Women, Infants, and Children) a program that provides healthy food to pregnant women, new mothers, and children who cannot otherwise get it, I can’t use CCAP (Child Care Assistance Program), I don’t have any kids. I can’t use Section 8, which provides vouchers to the poorest in society that allow them them to afford rent. I can’t use LIHEAP (Low Income Heating Energy Assistance Program), I can afford to heat my home in the winter. I can’t use Medicaid, I can’t use CHIP, I qualify for health insurance through my job. I can’t use SSI (Supplemental Security Income), I’m not disabled or elderly or blind. I can’t use Title X, a program that provides healthcare assistance for single mothers. I can’t use the National School Lunch Program, I’m not in school! Neither can I use the School Breakfast Program, the Summer Food Service Program, or the Special Milk Program for the same reason. Not only that, I wouldn’t have been able to use them when I was a child, my parents owned a home and held two jobs. I can’t use The Emergency Food Assistance Program, I’ve never spent even a single night in a homeless shelter. I don’t need a local food bank. I don’t need the Lifeline program, I have a phone and my fingers can dial 911 easily, I doubt there are people who can’t! I can’t use Unemployment Insurance, I’ve always been able to quit my job and find another one no problem. I don’t need Paid Family Leave, I’m not gonna have a family. I can’t use a Pell grant, what am I? A single mother trying to go back to school? Same with the Federal Supplemental Educational Opportunity Grant, Federal Work Study Program, Grants for Native Americans and Alaska Natives.

I can’t use Medicare or Social Security, even though I pay for them! Hell, I won’t even be able to use Social Security when I would qualify for it, the endowment that pays for most of it will run out in around 30 years. Might as well get rid of it now! Besides, it’s for old people. Why would I care about them? What are they contributing to society? Let em go!

Don’t even get me started on the Early Reading First Program, the Rural Education Achievement Program, Mathematics and Science Partnerships, Improving Teacher Quality Grants, Academic Competitiveness and Smart Grant Program, Single-Family Rural Housing Loans, Rural Rental Assistance Program, Water and Waste Disposal for Rural Communities, Supportive Housing for Persons with Disabilities, Homeless Assistance Grants, Home Investment Partnership Programs, HOPWA (Housing Opportunities for Persons with AIDS), Public Housing, Indian Housing Block Grants, Food Program Nutrition Assistance for Puerto Rico (no reason to help people in Puerto Rico!), Adult Basic Education Grants, Title 1 Migrant Education, Education for Homeless Children and Youth, Gaining Early Awareness and Readiness for Undergraduate Programs, Child Support Enforcement, Foster Care, Adoption Assistance, Chafee Foster Care Independence Program, Social Services and Targeted Assistance for Refugees, Older Americans Act Family Caregiver Program, and Older Americans Act Grants for Supportive Services and Senior Centers.

But I’ll tell you what, if you touch the 900 billion dollars spent on our military that keeps me safe and I’ll be goddamned if I allow you to kneel during an NFL game to protest police brutality which definitely disrespects the military somehow, or if you touch my tax cuts which are, wait, what are you talking about I don’t really benefit from this tax bill? What the hell are you talking about it all goes to protecting and increasing wealth and barely, if at all, to decreasing the income tax? Are you saying that getting rid of all those programs that benefit the weakest, poorest, sickest, most oppressed, and definitely not me at all, are you saying that getting rid of those won’t benefit me?

Huh. I wonder why they did it then.