Fixed It

Anybody got any solutions?

How about this, what if we give North Korea everything they want? I mean, fuck it, right? We’re the richest nation, they’re fucking crazy, let’s just give them all that shit. Let’s do a full Star Trek, let’s give them so much shit every North Korean becomes rich and we fill them with so much wealth they explode. You think North Koreans are going to put up with a God King if they’re all rich? Why not try it? The shit we’re doing is dumb and doesn’t work. Anybody ever think of that?

Immigration? No restrictions. Everyone can immigrate to America if they want. We’ve got enough space. You can move to any city that has less than 1 million in population. We did it before. When we went all Manifest Destiny everyone could go claim some land if they felt like it. Do it again. The shit we’re doing is dumb and doesn’t work. Think about all the jobs. If people move to somewhere remote, we’ll have to build roads to get there, power plants, water filtration, everything. Everyone will need everything it takes to be a part of modern society. Done, no problem. Everything we’re doing right now is stupid, fuck it, why not?

Nuclear weapons? We get rid of them first. If America dismantles every single one of its nuclear weapons immediately, with no restrictions and no promises and no deals with any other country, do you think that all of a sudden they’d start pushing us around and threatening to bomb us? If anyone uses a nuke, the entire Earth is destroyed. Mutually assured destruction as a foreign policy is, and has always been, in effect simply by the existence of nuclear weapons. A nuclear weapon is not a weapon, it’s suicide. The Japanese didn’t surrender because we dropped nuclear bombs on them, the death toll between Nagasaki and Hiroshima combined was less than the firebombing of Tokyo. The only difference was that you can rebuild after a fire, you can’t rebuild after radiating the Earth. The threat of dropping nuclear weapons is effective(?), but actually using them, at their current strength, is stupid. Fuck it, everything we’re doing now is stupid, why not?

Climate Change? Check this out. We fucking move now. We don’t even bother trying to solve it, that’s dumb, it’s too late. Let’s just figure out where it’s going to really damage shit, and then move. Florida? Nope. Move out. Food? Crops? Animals? Start moving them, too. Soil isn’t fertile? Start working on it now. Shit has been terraformed in the past and we’ve survived it. We didn’t have modern tech back then, all we had was a fucking hoe and a dream and an infant mortality rate that was crazy high. We’ve got all kinds of shit right now. Imprison every executive at Monsanto (because they’ve absolutely committed crimes, like, ridiculous numbers of crimes, like, they’ve committed all of the crimes, I bet you wouldn’t even have to do that much investigating, I bet I could just google Monsanto and the first google search result would be “Monsanto totally committed some crimes, damn, lots of crimes”) and put the people at Monsanto on the job. If you can genetically engineer corn to be infertile after one generation, I guarantee you can figure out dry soil.

Income inequality? Here’s a plan, killing all rich people doesn’t work (as much as I’d like to, as satisfying as it would be (ok, maybe we kill one or two) but we tried it in France and it did not go well, I wouldn’t expect it to go differently now - we can pretend that we’re better than our counterparts in the 1700s, but I don’t actually believe it), so we let them keep their money, but, rather than hoard it, they must spend 40% of their yearly income on stuff. Let’s Brewster’s Millions income inequality. All the wealthy do is try to become more wealthy, they hoard money like dragons. Make them spend it. We’ve had massive stimulus packages in the past, instead of having the government tax the wealthy, they’ll just try to get out of that bullshit, why not pass a law making them spend the money? It’s just like a stimulus package, but it’s private. What is the fucking point of having money if you aren’t spending it? This way all of the Ayn Rand-loving piles of human waste get to satisfy their libertarian LARP fantasy and pretend that the bullshit they say makes a goddam bit of sense. At the same time, they put enough money in the economy to actually benefit human beings, like we are, instead of satisfying cruel, psychopathic monsters, like they are.

Are these all reasonable, workable solutions? No. Maybe. Who the fuck knows? But the solutions that have been discussed, the limitations that have been falsely ascribed to the situation we find ourselves in, and the people who absolutely refuse to entertain any creative notion all need to fucking go. Get these fucks out of here. America has been run by the dumbest, worst, most horrendous people for the past all-of-its-existence and it’s time to get rid of them. Now.