Young Republicans, Ugh

Immediately following Trump’s election our media went batshit. We were all shocked that Trump won, all of the polls, most of the people interviewed, everyone - even people who voted for him - thought that Hillary would win. You and everyone else know this because it’s been repeated an infinite number of times by fucking everyone. Rather than delve into the idiotic election system we use, ya know, the one that Hillary won but still lost; rather than doggedly pursue Russia’s successful attempt to influence and ultimately steal the presidency; rather than investigate their own overwhelmingly culpability in Trump’s popularity; rather than all of those things, they have force fed us the narrative that we’ve become trapped in a liberal bubble of media consumption and the solution to this is talking to as many republicans as they can so we can really get to the bottom of our lack of communication with each other. Why? So we’ll never be surprised by who idiots vote for again?

The result that should surprise absolutely no one is that they have utterly failed in this pursuit and in so doing, have failed all of us.

Charles Bethea of the New Yorker has foisted this giant pile of shit on us and, though I should be immunized by now, I am, as is my habit, furious. This is ostensibly an attempt once again to understand the conservatives who exist outside of our liberal bubble. It is not that. It is an image rehab, like BP donating a shit ton of money to blah blah blah after they spilled a billion gallons of oil - something for which they received little to no punishment.

The title itself goes to bat for these dumb fucks. “Unlike their elders, Alabama’s young republicans wrestle with the Roy Moore allegations” suggests that this new generation of republicans isn’t like that old party we all hate so much, no, these kids are really starting to get it. This new crop of republicans is capable of looking past that “R” on a ballot and think for themselves. Hell, they might even be able to believe women. What a wild development (how low, low, low the bar is).

My response to this is very simple and direct:


There is absolutely no fucking reason these idiots should be allowed to speak words, let alone speak them in the goddam fucking New Yorker.

Bethea allowed a world class fuckface to say this with no pushback whatsoever: “It’s a really frustrating moment to be a young republican in Alabama right now.” Bethea then put that quote in this piece, then Bethea’s editor allowed it to go to print. I assume after you read that, you did what I did, foam at the mouth, black out, and when you came to, discovered self-inflicted wounds all over your body.

The world class fuckface was David Wisdom, who should kill himself immediately, and he actually believes what he said. Wisdom was described as a twenty-five-year-old (gotta spell it out Bethea? Was the word count low or something?) law student who voted for Trump and described himself as “very conservative”. One detail that we can assume is correct without doing any research whatsoever is that Wisdom is so fucking white he uses snow as camouflage (I did find him on Facebook and looking at his picture made me want to burn down the entire planet just to ensure he’s not allowed to take another breath). Bethea interviewed him because he and his friend (who deserves to be held down while a stable hand shovels horse diarrhea into his mouth) have a podcast. Disregarding the resentment I have due to the lack of publicity our podcast receives, it sounds like a shit podcast. They themselves describe it as “hot takes from young guys about #ALPolitics”. The hashtag was left in as a quote, so we can assume that the word was spoken aloud. Bethea and the New Yorker published a puff piece for these fucking idiots. Un Fucking Real. This is all terrible. It gets worse! Read this fucking shit and try to maintain consciousness:

Wisdom and Bullington aren’t wavering in their support for the Republican Party. They both eagerly discuss their concerns about “an overreaching federal government,” as Wisdom put it. “You look at farm land here,” he said. “There’s a fish in a pond next to it and the E.P.A. says it’s endangered and you can’t plant row crops beside it. Well, that’s fifty or sixty grand lost by a farmer that year.” Both men are ardent supporters of the Republican tax plan now being considered in Congress—which is heavily slanted to benefit businesses and the wealthy—and hope their party finds a viable way to scrap the Affordable Care Act. They also oppose any loosening of restrictions on abortion

And yet, on issues such as the cost of higher education, criminal-justice reform, drug laws, and same-sex marriage, Wisdom and Bullington consider themselves less doctrinaire. “Some young Republicans in Alabama don’t agree with it,” Wisdom said, of marriage equality. “But a lot of those same young Republicans think that what Judge Moore did in issuing a statement to all the probate judges to not grant those licenses was bad, because you’re disobeying the Supreme Court of the United States.” Bullington agreed. “For me and the people I interact with, same-sex marriage is not one of the top issues at play,” he said. “We’re less stuck on traditionalism.”

“Young Republicans have more of a libertarian flair than our older generations do,” Wisdom added.

Before I go any further on Bethea’s piece, I want to make a really personal and deadly serious plea to David Wisdom. David, please, for all our sakes, kill yourself.

The most important - and the most revealing - two words in the entire piece are “And yet”. These are written by Bethea as though he’s giving us some sort of explosive news. Once again, who fucking cares? Wisdom said he voted for Trump, Bullington said he wrote-in Marco Rubio (which is objectively hilarious, for real, impotently writing in the name of an impotent politician is funny), so what the fuck do I care if they personally have mild differences of opinion with other republicans? What is the fucking point? Are they going to be allies in the fight against bullshit policies the idiots they vote for are at fault for? Fuck no, they won’t. Even if they do eventually become so, none of the young republicans will have any influence. Even if they do have influence, they are fucking stupid and we don’t fucking need them.

Inexplicably, Bethea continues allowing Wisdom to speak, “When I look at these allegations,” Wisdom added, “I’m not looking at who stands to profit from this information or who found this out or who said it, or even if it came out the day before the election. Our generation of conservatives, we’re seeking out what is true.”

What Wisdom said is objectively untrue because duh, of course it is.

Bethea has made the one huge mistake that damn near 100% of reporters make. The list of topics this brand new generation of young republicans claim they disagree with their stodgy elders on is not followed up with an explanation of their cognitive dissonance. Whether or not you personally are not homophobic and in favor of marriage equality and blah blah blah, if you vote for politicians and policies that disproportionately damage gay people, you are homophobic. Your opinion does not matter unless it is backed up by your policies and your votes. If this isn’t pointed out in every article meant to break us out of our liberal bubble then the article is less than worthless, it is counterproductive. Bethea made these two monstrous morons, their dumb fuck podcast, and the groups they belong to more acceptable and more appealing.

Wisdom and Bullington are fucking stupid, but Bethea should know better. So go fuck yourself Bethea.