Alex Jones Thinks They Are Making Chimeras In Order To Create High End Sex Bots

On his December 8, 2017 show, Alex Jones spent a very large portion of his time talking about how there are sex robots. He's not wrong, there are sex dolls that are very life-like, but when he decided to stray past this point and attempt to connect it to any other piece of his narratives, everything fell apart in an embarrassing and pretty hilarious way.

Most of this "coverage" is in response to a video one of Alex's employees found where a guy with a nonspecific accent is discussing his doll companion. To give you some idea of how gracefully Alex is handling the material, enjoy this clip:

My primary issue with this clip is that Alex is not funny. He's trying to be funny, but all he can muster is a fake laughs, a misogynist comment about women getting you beer, and couple weird noises mixed with an insulting parody of the guy's accent. It's very not good, but Alex only has certain tools in his kit, and humor is not one of them.

Leaving that aside, I did not choose to write up this article because Alex failed at trying to be funny. If I considered that worth a column, I'd literally never not be writing. No, this column exists because of where Alex goes after he comes back from commercial:

This is wild stuff.

For decades, Alex has been misrepresenting articles about scientists and researchers growing organs in cows, or conducting gene splicing experiments, to make the argument that the "Globalists" are literally creating literal hybrid animal-people. It would take way too long to break down why all this is horseshit, so I'll do that in another column at a future date. For now, look into it if you want, no one is making centaurs.

Regardless, Alex has been talking about this forever. He even went so far as to tell Megyn Kelly about how she needs to be covering it when she came to Austin for a visit. This is one of his big issues, and now after all this time, he's "guaranteeing" that what it has all been about is the creation of sex robots with no rights?

That's ridiculous, for any number of reasons. Let's look at some of the more basic logistical reasons why this would be a difficulty:

1) In order for these chimera sex robots to be the sort of thing that a wealthy person could order, you would really need exactly what they're looking for "in stock," or else you would have to have years and years of lag time between order and delivery while the chimera is growing to the correct age that the person wants.

2) In order to keep the different appearances of chimeras in stock that you would need to keep customers satisfied and not experiencing those decades of lag time, you would need to have hundreds, possibly thousands of chimera women sex robots who are waiting to be sold. Each and every one of these is still a biological entity, and would be crazy expensive to raise up to adulthood, and beyond that just to keep alive while they wait for a buyer.

3) But Dan, you say, they could skimp on the food growing up, after all these chimeras don't have rights. To which I would reply, "that's a terrible idea." Alex is presenting this as a business, where people sell Marilyn Monroe chimeras. If you are a business, you want to have a good product, and chimera or not, childhood malnutrition can have devastating consequences toward development of a person's body. If you raise up one of those chimera sex robots all undernourished, there are all sorts of medical issues that could arise in adolescence and adulthood, and what are you gonna do then? Pass that expense on to the consumer, when they've been waiting...let's be honest, he has been waiting for 18 years for this robot already? That's just not good customer service.

4) What if the customer dies before the chimera sex robot comes to the right age? Does the chimera sex robot then become free, or does this company double-sell them?

5) Real talk, one of the things that Alex is not taking into account is that one of the things that most strongly guides attraction, especially as it relates to celebrity crushes, are things that you could never replicate with a replicant. Someone who is willing to pay the absurd amount one of these chimeras would cost (current top of the line dolls cost well over $3,000 and they aren't "sorta human") is probably looking for a very specific thing, namely the celebrity they want replicated. What made people fall in love with Marilyn Monroe was certainly partially her beauty, but it was also her smile, it was also her unique sensuality, it was her sense of humor. All of those things are largely the product of nurture, so in order to give the consumer what they are looking for, you would need to mirror Norma Jean's childhood as closely as possible when raising her chimera replicant, and that seems painstakingly difficult. You'd need to buy a farm and shit.

6) Further, what about the whole chimera part? Alex is saying that they are splicing animals with humans to create new beings (see: "fish people in tanks with human fear on their faces"). Is he suggesting that they are going to make Fish Marilyn Monroe? Or is it a thing where she appears completely human, but just has one gene mixed up? Because that totally already exists, it happens naturally, and those people definitely have rights.

7) Final point: no one is making chimeras, in the sense that Alex is discussing. The human would not be viable. This is why when they grow organs in cows or sheep, they don't bring the animals to term. Alex would know this if he read any of the articles whose headlines he cites.

Bottom line, all this is a load of shit, and there aren't any chimera people. However, I believe that Alex has a counter point:

We aren't the media, but I guess you could say we're attacking him. But really not because he's spreading truth about the Chimera Menace. We're attacking him because he's a deeply bigoted lunatic who is manipulating his audience's emotions in order to get them scared about how some evil group is trying to take away their humanity and usher in the era of Chimeras and Sex Robots, only to take that fear he's created in them and use it as fuel to sell them some of his shitty pills.

Case in point, here's how the Chimera Sex Bot segment ended:

It never fails. Juice up the audience, sell them bullshit. Every conman, every revival preacher, every snakeoil salesman knows this trick well.

Most of them, however, wouldn't ask for money to "fight the Globalists" immediately after admitting on air that they were going to buy multiple sex robots. That is what makes Alex Jones special.